August '04

8/19 10:40pm: I am continuously amazed and sometimes saddened by the "funk" most of us seem to be burdened with in our adult years. Sure we're "inspired" by TV sitcoms and big budget movies to believe that the destination in life is plenty o' cash and an expensive touring car / SUV, but this representation isn't cutting it. I know lots of folks with the required cash flow and the expensive ride... guess what? They've go the cash and the time to get their hands on all the addictions they can bury their saddness in. If they're not happy with the "Good Life", than who is?

8/28 6:17pm: I'll continue with my thought/ramblings about money and how it impacts most. In my late twenties I remember being enamored with people who had money. I grew up with it and if I didn't have it, at least it felt good to be around it again! I believed that affiliating with folks who had wealth, who's company I enjoyed, might be advantageous to my music career in the long run. For centuries musicians/artists have depended on the generosity of wealthy patrons to support their artistic endeavors. The fact is the more time I spent with most of these folks, the more miserable I found them to be. Truly unhappy people, who rarely found themselves "on their knees" long enough to take action and create the change in their lives that might lead to contentment. In essence, most of the wealthy folks I know can "buy" their way out of the toughest of times. The fact is they never really buy their way out of anything. They just circumvent the challenge long enough to avoid it's most acute presentation and then wait for the next opportunity to not confront their bullshit. I know more people with huge "trust funds" who have convinced themselves that their hard work and excellence have created the opportunity that surrounds them. Everybody else knows it's bullshit, but they're happy to believe their own press. In my younger years it made me angry, as I struggled through my life as a musician. Now I just feel compassion for these folks. The satisfaction, confidence and self-esteem that comes from falling on your ass and getting back up again and having to create results because there is no other choice... is worth it's weight in gold.

Bottom line is, some people find beauty in the depth of the posture, even if the integrity of the posture is flawed. Show me the integrity, and add depth based soley on the integrity of the posture and I will show you true excellence. I choose to create excellence everyday of my life. The only rule is ALL my results must be based upon integrity. What a pain in the ass! Fact is, everytime I take a short cut... it comes back to haunt me to the tenth power! So, I keep fallin' on my ass... and I keep gettin' back up again! Short cuts don't work. I don't bullshit myself or anyone else anymore.